


Only One Way

by The_Trash_Can



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Depression, Drabble Sequence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mistakes were made, evil twin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-03-10 11:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13500468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Trash_Can/pseuds/The_Trash_Can
Summary: There are rare conditions in which a soul is given a do-over; the ability to completely start over from the beginning. The condition being, the demon who owns the soul is willing to let it. When Sebastian learns of this, he knows that he must let his young master go and instead give him the life that he deserved.However, not all threats against Ciel could have been foreseen by Sebastian, who left after Ciel was presumably safe, for nothing hurts quiet as much as betrayal.





	1. Another way

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChromeHoplite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChromeHoplite/gifts).



> This idea had been playing around in my head for a while, so I just had to turn it into a series of short chapters! I had been posting them to tumblr, but figured this would allow people to get a better grasp of the narrative.
> 
> I hope you like it!

There was only ever one way this could end.

So why did it come as such a shock now?

What had started off as a contract grew to be something so much more. All demons knew to remain unattached, and usually doing so was easy. But there was something about this boy. This human boy that messed up everything. I reveled in suffering, until it was his. Delighted in tears until they fell from his cheeks. I knew from the moment I first laid eyes on him that he would grow into the sort of man that artists would weep for the chance to paint. I expected the lust. The heated words falling from swollen lips, the lingering touches that would lead to nails raking down a sweat slicked back, the carnal pleasure of joining two bodies together. I didn’t, however, expect what would come with that. The kisses placed perfectly on dimples, the exchange of thoughts given right before bed, the soft joy of having him smile and knowing that I did that. I may wear a carefully constructed mask meant to lure in all creatures, but I lack the endearing quality that humans have of being transient. Ciel is beautiful the way a shooting star is. No one has their breath stolen by the sun, for it is always there. A shooting star is only there for a second.

It looks like our second is up.

He lays in my arms, eyelashes fanning over his cheeks and I forget, as I always do, how small he is. So much determination, so much vengeance in such a little body. Though, having known what the boy had gone through, even I as a demon could understand. He always stood so tall and so brave, it was easy to forget how small he was. How young. While even 100 years would seem short to me, I still wish that he had been given more than 19. 

His soul pulses bright within him, but it doesn’t call to me like it once used to. I feel like a child who wished to own the stars, only to realize that the sky seemed so empty without them. There is no doubt in my mind that this will be the finest quality soul I ever encounter, but what is one to do after they have already experienced the best?

I lower my lips to his own, only to stop as I feel something hot run down my face. Is there a wound that I am unware of? I wipe at cheeks, expecting my fingers to be painted scarlet when I look at them, only to realize that it is not blood dripping down my face, but tears. It seems fitting that my first tears be shed for him.

I stare at him a moment longer, before I finally admit to myself why I am hesitating so much.

I can’t do it.

“There’s another way, you now.”

Alarmed, I pull Ciel closer to me as I meet the unmistakable glowing eyes of a reaper. 

“What do you mean?” I have come across many reapers in my time, but never this one. Eyes narrowed, I watch as he shows me a rather unremarkable golden key.

“This is the key to his timeline. If you are willing to give up his soul, it can be used to give him another chance. The opportunity to live this life over again.”

Shocked, I look back down to the boy in my arms. A chance to do it all over again? I knew that meant there would be no chance for us to meet, but it would mean a second chance at everything else. I could easily get rid of the enemies behind the initial attack on his manor and he could go on living a happy life. One with his parents, his brother, and even the real Sebastian. 

I brush a strand of slate hair behind a perfect ear, it had grown long in the madness of the past couple months, but I secretly loved it. I know that he secretly loved when I pulled on it too. His eyes remain closed, but he looks so peaceful that I remember times when he had only been sleeping. When those gorgeous eyes opened and fixed me with a look that, for the first time in my life, let me know I was wanted. That I was loved. 

“I’ll do it.” 

I may technically be owed his soul, but he was owed a better life than the one he was given.


	2. Couldn't Help Myself

I couldn’t help it.

I couldn’t help myself.

I had to see him every once and a while or I’d go mad.

It’s true that he and his twin bare an uncanny resemblance to each other, but I could tell which one had been my master anywhere. He may have been quieter than his older twin, not as healthy, but he more than made up for that. He fought harder, learned faster, and loved fiercer. If anyone would take the time to actually look at him instead of dismissing him for the second, sickly child, they would see where true remarkability lie.

So I visit him. I visit him to remember the exact shade of his eyes; now equally blue and beautiful without my existence marring them. I visit to see for myself the stories of his childhood that he had once shared with me. I visit just to catch the rare sight of him actually being happy.

Sometimes, however, when I am blended with the shadows he’ll stop whatever blissfully mundane activity he had been doing and seemingly look right at me. Big blue eyes meeting crimson red and my heart will stop for a second before I remind myself that he can’t actually see me.

Sometimes he gets this look in his eyes. A look much to serious for a six year old and he’ll stare off into the distance as if he’s looking for something that he’s lost. Something terribly important.


	3. Its time to let go

Memories are sharp jagged things. 

They hurt.

They cut their way to the surface and force you to relive the past. The better the memory, the deeper it cuts. I have lived many years, but never before have memories hurt this much.

Because I remember him.

The feel of his skin under my fingers, the burning of his nails down my back. Breathy moans that I probably should have muffled considering we weren’t the only ones in the manor, but I loved them too much to do that. My lips on his neck, his chest, around his cock. The heat of moving in him, the warmth of knowing his trust in me. Forgetting for a time what I am as I find salvation within him. 

Then after. The peace of his head lying on my chest, our naked limbs tangled together. The soft breaths as he dozes on me, while I admire my handiwork. His skin littered in my marks, letting the world know that he is mine.

Was mine.

That was the past, and now his present is one that I am not a part of. He is safe, and happy, and so much brighter now that the shadows don’t cling to him. But one thing he isn’t, is mine. It is time for me to leave. 

What makes memories so painful is the knowledge that you can never go back to them, and so I turn my back on the only thing I’ve ever loved.


	4. Something or Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Ciel's side of things

Most of my childhood was spent looking at the same four walls that made up my bedroom. While I lived in a manor, my health kept me bedridden most of the time. Despite this, I always considered myself lucky. My doting parents made sure I was treated by the best doctors available, but it is my twin brother that really makes things bearable. 

We are identical in all the ways that don’t matter. 

He is strong whereas I’m frail. He is brave whereas I’m scared of my own shadow.

He is happy, whereas I’m…

He takes great care of me. Frequently, I’ll wake up thinking I’m finally feeling well enough to go outside, but he can always tell when I’m not well before I can. He’ll insist that I should rest while he fetches me a cup of tea, and he’s right—as I take small sips I can feel the constriction winding around my lungs making it a struggle to take in deep breaths of air.

He’ll always tuck my hair behind my ear, and instruct me to rest, leaving Sebastian to guard over me. And though he doesn’t have to, he always brings me a present from his adventures. Once he brought me a perfect four leaf clover, exclaiming that it would give me good luck. I keep it by my bedside table to this day hoping that it will eventually help me get better. 

Occasionally, when my asthma starts to act up and my breaths get shallower and shallower I’ll look to the doorway, expecting someone to be there to help. Of course, it’s ridiculous of me to think that anyone would somehow know when I am gasping for air, but it’s nice to dream I suppose. Instead, I’m left alone, with only the distant sound of my brother and Elizabeth playing to occupy my mind. Its then, in those moments where I’m not sure if I’ll suffocate from the asthma or the loneliness, that I get this feeling. It feels like, even though I know that Sebastian is at the foot of my bed, something is missing.

Or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have any requests or suggestions? Hit me up! 
> 
> https://bookstakeyoutootherworlds.tumblr.com


	5. We all fall down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re sticking with Ciel’s POV for a little bit so enjoy!

It was the morning of our tenth birthday, but for some reason I couldn’t muster much excitement for it, even if the day was shaping up to be a rather good one. Mother and Father had managed to procure a new asthma treatment for me—the “spray inhaler”—which while starting to become popular in Europe had yet to make it to England and it seemed to be working. Hope is a fickle thing, it prefers to hide like a shy cat and bare its teeth when you get too close, but for the first time in years I felt as if I was within arm’s reach. The way my life had been going was all well and good, but it wasn’t actually living. This I knew, even with it being just the beginning of my tenth year.

 

My brother, the amazing brother that he is, was overjoyed when I woke up with full breaths. He bade me to stay in bed while he ran downstairs and set up a little surprise for me. Trembling in excitement, I waited until he called for me, before throwing off the duvet and running to his voice. I made to run down the stairs, but found myself instead falling. It is a weird thing, falling when you hadn’t expected to. Suddenly, the world as you know it has been turned on its side, and before you can make sense of it you are brought back to reality by your landing, whatever that may look like. For me, it was on my ankle, with it twisted the wrong way, and my wrist where I had reached out to catch myself.

 

The pain flies through my body and when I finally manage to open my eyes it’s to the sight of red as sharp as the pain I’m feeling. I blink away tears, feeling them etch their way across my cheeks, to try and improve my vision, but by the time the tears are gone, the red has vanished and new ones move to take their place.

 

“Ciel!” I hear my brother cry, before his hands are on me, pulling at my arm a bit too harshly. I wince and he pulls away, coming into my view. “What happened?” He questions, already calling for Tanaka to go and fetch our parents.

 

“I slipped on something and fell down the stairs,” I reply through the gasping breaths.

 

He leaves me briefly while I focus on staying present, and when he returns he has a handful of small white pearls in his grasp.

 

“One of Mother’s necklaces must have broken.” He says simply.

***

It’s not until later that night, when I am tucked in bed with both my arm and ankle elevated that something strikes me as odd. Surely mother would have heard the pearls falling onto the wood and had one of the servants pick them up then.

 

This occupies my mind as I sit in the dark with nothing else to focus on but the pain and the sound of my brother’s breaths. Despite the medicine the doctor gave me, I know that there is no such hope in the way of finding sleep tonight, but it looks as though I will be able to get plenty of rest tomorrow, and the next several months after that as I am again relegated to bedrest. Hope continues to escape me, but then again, I suppose I never had much of a way with cats.


	6. Things add up

Little things add up over time.

Be it acts of kindness, pennies you've saved, or countless instances of disappointment.

An antiquated form of execution was called Crushing. A terrible way to die, it consisted of a board which would be laid over a person with stones added to it until they could no longer breathe. It wasn't one stone or even five that made it too much, but the combined weight. There was no single stone that made it too much, no straw that broke the camel’s back, and no single thing that broke me.

It took me a while to see the truth before my eyes, to come to terms with the fact that it was my brother who was ensuring that my life was never one I wanted to live. From lacing my tea with allergens that would exacerbate my asthma, to placing a snake where it was sure to spook my horse, leading to several fractured ribs, he did his best to ensure that I was always the sickly little brother that he could dote on.  
Still, I couldn't fault him for it. He was my brother and he loved me in his own way. He was my best friend.

My only friend.

That was until I was set to go off to university, while my brother would continue to be tutored from home on how to be the perfect Phantomhive heir, and the ‘accident’ happened. The manor burned down, with our mother and father inside. At first, I thought it was a tragic accident, one that placed my brother as the head of the household and therefore all finances. I found it reasonable that he couldn't part with me after the death of our parents, and therefore would not give me the funds I needed to go to college. I wanted to provide whatever comfort I could.

It wasn't until I found a case, exclusively filled with his favorite items that had somehow miraculously not been burned in the fire, that I began to question. Surely not. Surely his need to keep me close couldn't surpass his love for our parents. He explained that he had been about to go visit his fiancé, but planned on bringing what? His favorite toy bull, a gift from our grandfather brought from Spain, but not any clothes?

I wanted to scream. To cry. To do something that might bring justice to my parents, but what is one kid with no money of his own supposed to do? So I played the part. The perfect little brother that needed doting. This way no one else would get hurt because of me.

It had been over a year since then and it was nearing our 20th birthday. It was a day as ordinary as any other, but something felt different. The tips of my fingers tingled with some phantom feeling and my right eye had been burning all day. I looked poor enough that my brother sent me to bed early in order to rest, and felt poor enough that I went without complaint.

My head throbs in tandem with my eye as I wonder what the hell could be wrong with me. I feel as if I should already know. As if I should remember...it's then that a white hot pain flashes through my body, burning me from the inside out. I clench my teeth to keep from crying out, lest I draw the attention of my brother, but I slowly feel myself losing my grip on consciousness. Behind my eyes flash images of a man...no, not a man but something else, something with glowing red eyes that would scare me had the color not been so familiar.

I watch him through eyes that aren't my own, but at the same time are, as if they were memories from another life. The other me laughs and I watch as those red eyes soften and a small smile curls across sharp lips. The scene changes and now the other me is filled with an ecstasy I have never known and he is above me, dropping soft kisses on my temple, my nose, my neck. The scene changes again, the other me is weak, so weak that I can barely feel his arms as they curl around me. I feel something soft, hit my cheek and carve a path down my jaw. I want to smile for him, to let him know that it's okay. That, even if my heart stops beating, it will always belong to him. 

I slowly fade from one consciousness and back into another.

I gasp and for the first time in 19 years I finally feel like I am able to breathe again.

I remember.

I remember Sebastian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guys think of this chapter! Things are starting to move along now!


	7. I Know One Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A relatively short chapter this time, but I hope to have the next one up soon!

I didn’t know how to feel. Angry? Angry because we had a deal god-damnit, a deal that I had intended to see through, and this wasn’t a part of that deal! How dare he destroy that contract, the one that had bound us together for so long?

Or am I Happy? Happy to remember the one thing that I had ever loved. Happy to have back the memories that I missed so ardently without even knowing they existed. Happy that this demon, this sorry excuse of a demon, was an absolute dork that needed to have every surface of the manor cleaned, enjoyed cooking more than he would ever like to admit, and loves cats. A demon who at one point I believed had loved me. 

Underneath all that though, is something more familiar. Sadness. An emotion that seems to cling to me no matter what life I’ve lived. I know that I should be thankful that he had somehow managed to give me a second chance, but I only felt abandoned. After all that time did he decide that he didn’t want my soul? Was it not good enough? And why, if he wanted to give me a better life, did he not include himself in it?

All these unknowns swirl in my head, scraping against my memories like dry leaves rolling against the concrete in the fall. So many things to consider. So many questions. But despite this, there is one thing that I am sure of. I need to find him again.


	8. Blank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song to go with the chapter: Blank Space, covered by Brooklyn Duo
> 
> Sorry its so short, but I hope you like it!

Sebastian's POV

The first thing that he made me realize about humans was that there was more than meets the eye. That there is a certain charm to things which cannot last. A charm to inevitability.

I suppose, that we too, were inevitable.

A demon and a boy.

A boy whose skin, pale as milk, would one day crumple like tissue paper. Whose hair, dark and lovely as the night sky, would turn white with all the black that exists in the world. That his blue eyes, clear and cunning, would one day grow hazy and dull. 

But his soul.

His soul would always remain bright.

And I would always love it.

I sit, surrounded by nameless faces, playing a game of cards. In here, despite the sun beaming down outside, the lighting is low; carried on every speck of dust that floats around the room, being pushed here and there by raucous breaths laced with alcohol. The game is mine, that much had been clear since I first sat down, but I try to throw them as many bones as possible. Slipping up purposefully to make the game more interesting for myself. 

My thoughts, unruly as a child, go back to him. How he could hold his own in a game of chess against me. The little smirk he’d get when he won the match. The little pout when he didn’t. I can picture him so vividly that I can almost smell him. The lavender of his soap, the copper of his blood, and something so uniquely Ciel.

I freeze, realization striking a second before the door flies open, casting a halo around the figure it its archway. 

“Sebastian.”

“Ciel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN


End file.
